In Everything

My move to Dallas, TX and what I've learned so far, Aug 3, 2021

Saturday July 31 was Moving Day 1 from Fort Smith, AR to Dallas, TX. It was a very hot day, the hottest day in Fort Smith so far this year, and a very, very, very long day. We got to Dallas (technically Richardson, but in Dallas County) at about 10 -1030 p.m., checked into the hotel, and around midnight, I went to bed.

Sunday August 1 was Moving Day 2.0. This was the day to get everything out of the UHaul truck and into the storage I had rented at UHaul. It was my first rental with them & I got the 1st month free. Sunday was another very, very, V-E-R-Y long, hot day.

We had gotten the truck mostly empty when a storm started coming in, the rain felt good! It was not, however, good to drive in, as we could not see very far ahead. We got back to my hotel room, I had already paid for another night, at around 5 p.m. It took twice as long getting back from UHaul because of the storm as it had, getting there earlier in the day. My family left around 6ish to go back to northeast Oklahoma. I was so tired that night, that it really hadn’t sunk in what was happening.

Monday was spent trying to open a mailbox and after a very frustrating encounter at USPS, I went to the UPS Store. I also opened a local bank account. I’ve already discovered I don’t like online-only banking, I like having a physical branch I can go to, if necessary. Even though I was easily unsettled that day, the reality of where I was and what was happening didn’t hit very hard on Monday, just because I kept myself busy. I went to a grocery store and I bought a few snack items and some produce. Since my hotel is an extended stay hotel with a kitchenette, I was able to cook Monday night.

Today, Tuesday, was a new and much more frustrating day. My emotions were also near the surface and I kept finding myself tearing up at the slightest provocation. I finally stopped at a local place for some take-out and went back “home” to the hotel, where I binged. Yes, I discovered some time ago that I tend to eat my feelings, but the problem is, I don’t always recognize that is what is happening at the time it’s happening. I watched some t.v. to “escape” and even though I did recognize that issue, it was still another hour before I actually turned it off.

Once I had turned the t.v. off, I took the dog out for a walk. It was around 8 p.m. and there was not much traffic, this area has some other extended stays on three sides, behind is a large parking lot next to a garage. We went for a long walk. I eventually took her back to the room, knowing that I really, really needed to get out and pray.

I finally got back outside to pray. I prayed to start with, for protection, because I know that it’s just not safe for a woman walking alone in the city at night. Then I started praying about my situation. I was worried, no, scared about what was going to happen. I had already paid the hotel through Friday and that was all the money in that particular bank account, I thought. I had not checked my balance earlier, so I pulled out my phone, checked my bank balance and saw that with all the pending charges plus an unexpected charge, I was overdrafted. That was really upsetting! It wasn't all the money I had in the world, but all that was in that particular account.

I kept saying, Lord You brought me here, You’re going to have to provide. I am the first and not the last, I am the head and not the tail. I kept praying and saying, Lord, Lord, You’ve got to provide, where am I going to live? How am I going to pay for it? I’ve paid through Friday, what do I do after that? What job am I going to get to pay the bills? On and on, and so forth.

Then the Lord reminded me, “do not worry about tomorrow, it will take care of itself.” Then I began to calm (for a minute) and say, You are my shepherd, I will not be in lack or in need, I shall not want. Then I thought, I need Him to get the rest of my money. I’ve been waiting on a certain amount that is owed to me to be deposited to my bank account. I thought, if that deposit came through, then I would feel easy. Well. That stopped me - I would feel easier seeing that money in my bank account, as in, I trusted seeing those dollars in my bank account over Him?

I had to repent. Even though I said I was stepping out in faith and coming here to Dallas (with no job!) I still had more faith in what the bank account said than in My Father’s ability to provide. Those emotions that had been so near the surface all day began breaking over. There I was walking and crying and saying, I’m sorry, Lord, I’m sorry.

We hear all the time in church about depending totally on the Lord, but are you REALLY completely dependent on Him? I know that until now, I have never had to be, and I admit to being scared. I’m ashamed to admit it, but it’s the truth. We live in a concrete world trusting in our five senses. How many times have I heard and read that verse that what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is permanent? We walk by faith and not by sight.

Right now, those verses are more “real” to me than ever. I thought I was stepping out in faith by leaving my job and coming to Dallas. Turns out those were baby steps and now I just jumped off into the deep end.

So yes, I repented of thinking I needed that money to solve my problems and to feel easy, when My Father has all the riches of glory - much more than I could look for in that deposit! My Father knows all my needs and I remembered Jesus asking, who of you can add a cubit to his stature by thinking (or worrying) about it? I kind of laughed then because if I could grow taller just by thinking hard enough, I would definitely have already accomplished that!

I repented of being afraid to be totally dependent on Him. It’s so wrong to fear that, but so natural to our flesh. Flesh depends on what it can see, hear, touch, and depending on what you cannot see or hear or touch, is totally contrary to flesh and doesn't make sense in the natural. I repented of doubt and fear and of feeling so alone because He has said to me over and over again, “Behold, I am with you always.”

Then, I remembered 1 Thess 5:18 “In everything give thanks” and I realized, this night, this time, RIGHT NOW is “in everything.” Then I started singing. My dad put that verse to an old, hippy Peter Paul & Mary song from back in the day, and we sang it in church many, many times during my childhood.

I started singing it again. The tune is to ‘the answer my friend is blowing in the wind’ -I don't know the song title.

“In everything I give thanks to You, Lord, for that is Your will for me. In everything I give thanks to You Lord, I’ll praise You constantly. In everything I give thanks to You Lord, knowing Your love surrounds me, for You are in control, allowing me to grow, allowing me to grow in Your will.”

The first time through I kind of croaked it, crying and singing. As I continued, my voice grew stronger. Then I began to give thanks in everything: Thank You Lord, that I am here in Dallas. Thank You that I am dependent on You, and no one else. Thank You Lord, that I am here to do whatever it is You have brought me here to do. Thank You Lord, that I am out here, this night, at this time, with You. Thank You Lord, for Your mercy and grace in showing me that I was still trusting something other than You and thank You that I can repent and change my perspective. Thank You for the faith to move forward (I did ask for a little kick in the faith pants!)

I kept walking, I kept thanking Him, and singing. The tears gave way to peace. I am peaceful in my soul now and as He said, tomorrow will take care of itself. I will only concern myself with today, and even that is not a big concern, because He already knows how it’s going to end. So I thanked Him that He goes before Me, His glory is my rear guard, and as I walk in His paths, I go in peace and I take His gospel with me. In every situation I walk into today, I walk into His provision, His peace, His ways and when needed, His justice. I have set the Lord before me and because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

Matthew 6:25-34; 28:20; 2 Cor 4:18; 5:7; 1 Thess 5:18; Psalm 16:8