Feb 16, 2023 10:20 a.m.
So what happens when that thing you were believing so hard for, doesn’t come to pass? Or, that thing you were believing so hard against, actually occurs? What do you do when the worst happens?
That second question has been the one I’ve had to answer for myself. A few weeks ago, the worst happened. My life was upended, turned upside down, shaken and stirred. I thank God for family who were willing and able to drop everything, to come to Texas and bring me back to a place of safety.
I spent the next 72 hours in shock. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what had just happened. I had been 100% certain that a miracle was going to occur and I was going to have a fantastic story to tell, an amazing testimony. Except the miracle didn’t come and it looked like with that one event, everything I had been believing for was swept away. It was devastating.
You see, I had three major things I believed God had told me, about my life, my future, and the soul of a family member. I staked everything on this one event. In my mind, if I was wrong about this thing, then how could I possibly believe I had heard Him correctly on the other two things?
Let me stop here and say that whenever I believed God was speaking to me, I asked for scripture to back it up. I was taught a long time ago, that’s how you know it’s from God, because He’ll never tell you something contrary to His Word. So when He would say these things to me, I asked for scripture and I got it.
One time when I was feeling low about my situation, I asked for scripture. The answer I received was, “I will never suffer the righteous to be moved. Go look it up.” That was from Psalm 55:22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
I kept quoting that one, over and over. There were other areas of my life that I believed He had spoken to me about, and I had asked for scripture in those areas, as well. He gave them and so that was what I had written down, what I was quoting over and over and standing on.
So that day, four weeks ago today, right about this same time (I began writing this essay at 10:20 a.m.) what appeared to be a catastrophe, happened. It was certainly a day of calamity.
Later, I had this sort of vision of me standing on what looked like a high platform, held up by three posts and one of the posts was suddenly taken out. In the vision, I fell flat on my back and then the other two posts broke and everything went crashing down.
That night, driving back to Oklahoma at around 2 a.m., I kept saying over and over, “What happened? I trust You, Lord, but what happened? I thought You promised me. I thought I’d heard You. It’s all gone. Everything I believed You said is gone. I can’t trust myself at all now, and no one should ever listen to me on anything about You.”
The Sunday after, I stayed home because I still couldn’t face the idea of seeing people. I made a declaration, though. I went out on the front porch of my parents’ house and said aloud, using Daniel 3:17-18, “God, I know You are able to deliver me from the fire, but even if You don’t, I’m not giving up! I won’t quit! No matter what happens, I love You and I am not quitting You!”
I immediately felt better, some of that heavy darkness lifted and I went back inside. Now, that declaration doesn’t mean I was immediately on a mountaintop of hope, but it was something that had to be done.
I continued to have multiple mini-meltdowns over the next three weeks. To me, one of the worst things was the possibility that I had given wrong words to other people. What I mean here, is that months earlier, I believed God had given me messages of encouragement to send to two different people, who were in some deep valleys of their own. I also believed God had given me a word of comfort about a certain family member.
In my current situation, where I was seriously questioning whether or not I had heard Him correctly, I was sincerely disturbed over the idea that I had said something “wrong” to these people and then tacked God’s name onto it. In the Bible, we have plenty of examples of how God views people who use His name, falsely. Those who say “Thus saith the Lord” when He didn’t, end up in big trouble!
So I was genuinely worried about me and them and repenting of anything I might have said to these people that was incorrect. I would never want to give false hope to anyone, because I feel that’s the worst kind of lie. This resulted in another mini meltdown, because I didn’t trust myself.
I started going back through the Scriptures I had, the ones I had written down and put onto images in my phone. I started saying, “Ignoring everything that I think You may have told me, these are Your Words, out of the Bible, these are Your promises and I’m standing on these.”
Some of those verses, in addition to Psalm 55:22 are:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts I that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Matthew 19:29 And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive and hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.
Joel 2:25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten
1 Peter 5:10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (NASB)
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (NKJV)
Matthew 19: 26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
So, I began reading these and some other verses aloud, each day. Then I would end with Psalm 25: 20 O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee and Psalm 119:49 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.
Then, last Saturday night, I was listening to my bible app while I was crocheting. It was playing Romans chapter four. When it switched to the next chapter, I went back and replayed chapter four. I replayed it again, and again, and again. I kept thinking, “There’s something here. I am missing something. What was that again? I’ve almost got it, one more time.” I listened to that same chapter probably a dozen times. I kept feeling like Holy Spirit was tapping me on the shoulder, saying “You haven’t got it yet.” So I replayed it and read it at the same time. As I listened and read, the following verses seemed to jump out at me (emphasis mine):
Romans 4:3, then 17-21:
3 For what saith the scripture? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him
for righteousness.
17 (As it is written, I have made thee a father of many nations,) before him whom he
believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things
which be not as though they were.
18 Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many
nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.
19 And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sarah's womb:
20 He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God;
21 And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.
There is a lot to unpack in those five verses. First, Abraham believed and I had to ask myself, “Do you believe?” Second, God calls those things that are not as though they were, then contrary to the facts, Abraham did not look at his situation. He chose to believe God’s word and he didn’t hesitate because he was fully persuaded that somehow God would bring it all to pass.
The answer to my question to myself: No, I don’t think I honestly believed. Oh, I was desperately hoping and wanting it all to be true, but I didn’t really believe. I kept looking at “facts”. Yes it is true that what I can see around me and what has happened to me, is not very faith-inspiring. In fact, it looks like total defeat.
God calls those things that are not, as though they were. Honestly, that sounds a little wild, until you take a look at Genesis chapter one and see how many times something did not exist, until God spoke it. He called that which was not, as though it already existed:
Genesis 1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Everything that was created began as a word spoken out of the mouth of God, and then it existed. God gave us, human beings, some of the same creative power in our words. What we speak, will happen. There are many examples in Scripture, there are several in the Proverbs, that what you speak, whether or good or bad, will occur. Jesus, Paul and James also taught the same principle in the New Testament.
I completely understand the hesitation of a lot of Christians here, since this principle has so badly been misused by televangelists, charlatans and manipulators who used this verse to bilk people out of their hard-earned money. THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM PROMOTING. I HATE when people misuse God’s Word! So please believe me when I say that I do research Strong’s concordance, the Hebrew, the Greek, and then look up the English definitions.
What I am saying here, is simply, God is not bound by what is or is not currently occurring. He doesn’t consider the “facts” as we know them, He speaks and then it happens.
Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
Now, I have to re-examine what God spoke to me. His promises all looked so huge and meant major changes in my life. Unlike Abraham, I staggered at the promises. I looked up the definition of “stagger” and one of its meanings is “hesitate”. I hesitated. Oh yes, I cried and my heart ached and I dreamed and hoped when I heard the promises, but I still hesitated to believe.
I would try to not look at my circumstances, because they were pretty negative. Yet, because I still had one eye on the “facts”, I didn’t have both eyes on Jesus. Remember when Peter stepped out of the boat, he had his eyes on Jesus and he was doing something insane like actually walking on water. When he looked at the wind and the waves, he started to sink.
Such a seemingly simple lesson here: keep your eyes on Jesus. Very simple, but how often do we get caught up in the circumstances? Every day, I would think, “Lord, I know You are the God of the impossible, but today it looks even more impossible than it did yesterday - if that’s even a thing.”
2 Corinthians 5:7 (For we walk by faith; not by sight)
That verse means that, as ridiculous as it may seem, you can’t go by what you can see. You can’t believe what appears to be concrete. If God made you a promise, you have to look at that, believe it, stand on His Word and ignore what looks like the truth of your situation. That’s doing what Abraham did, when it says “he considered not”. Again, that seems crazy, but I guess you gotta be a little crazy -according to the world’s standards- to believe God and to stand in faith for something.
I now have a sign pinned to my wall, large letters written in black Sharpie: What did God tell you? What was His word to you? Do you believe His word?
So I see that sign every time I look up, every morning I get out of bed or I enter my room. I say aloud what He promised me, and I say that yes, I DO believe His word. Now, like Abraham, I have no idea how it’s all gonna go down, but I DO believe that it will. The God who made those promises is fully capable of bringing them about. He doesn’t just make stuff up or tell us something that sounds good.
In verse 18, it says “who against hope believed in hope” and I looked that up in the Strong’s concordance. Basically, it's a restatement of where Abraham didn’t look at his circumstances but believed what God had to say, rather than his actual living situation.
So here I am and my situation is pretty bad. No, not that living with my family is a bad thing, and trust me, I am very grateful for my family. It’s just that if I wrote everything down, I would look like a complete failure, a total disaster. I know that most people would shake their heads and say something like, “Well, I knew you were headed for a fall. You thought you were stepping out in faith, now look at you. Your life is a train-wreck.”
I can imagine it all, and yes, I’ve kept quiet about everything mainly because I didn’t want to listen to Job’s friends. By the way, about two days before my Very Bad Event I had just finished reading the book of Job and I’ve always thought, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
So I’ll just say it here and now: if you know me and you’ve got some “common sense” advice to give me or you want to give me a reality check, please keep it to yourself. Please believe me when I say that I have heard in my own head all the arguments and “reality”.
Which brings us to a major point of this second essay: what is “real”? Is it what you can touch, see, hear, taste or smell? Or is it what God promised you?
Standing in faith for something is not logical. It’s not going to make sense. You can’t see it with your eyes, you can’t hear it with your ears, you can’t touch it, and you can’t smell or taste it, either. It is a promise that remains in the spirit realm until it manifests in the natural.
How does it manifest in the natural? Well, I’m not certain of the entire answer, but I know that the answer includes hanging on like a pit bull, believing even when others call you crazy, speaking it out no matter how ridiculous it sounds and refusing to give up.
This doesn’t mean you’re going to feel great about it all the time. There have been moments where it felt like the last thread of hope was slipping out of my fingers. I’ve battled depression, despair, fear, discouragement, defeat, grief and doubt. This is where that Sword of the Spirit comes in, what scripture do you have that you can use to fight back? I use those verses I listed earlier, and these:
Psalm 136:1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures
forever. (ESV)
James 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Feb 19, 2023:
The day after I began writing this post, I met with a friend for lunch and told her everything that had been going on with me. She had much to say to encourage, but one thing she said that clicked in my mind:
“Focus on the Promisekeeper, not His promise.” She had also told me how she had made a decision to pursue Jesus and to give back His promises, especially if there was a chance they would come between her and Him.
On my way home that night, I began to weep aloud and say, “Lord, I want You! I don’t want the promise, I want the Promisekeeper!” I have since repented of focusing more on the promises than on Him. I repented of idolatry - putting anything ahead of Jesus is idolatry!
I have since been declaring, “Jesus, I want You. I don’t want anything that gets in the way of You and I. I don’t want Your promises, I don’t want Your miracles, I don’t want Your Hand, I don’t want Your gifts, I don’t want Your fruits, I don’t want anything but You! Jesus, if there is a chance that any of the promises would get between us, then take them back! I just want You!”
What happens from this day forward? I don’t know. I just know that when I declared I wanted Him and nothing else, something within me broke and I began laughing and crying and praising Him.
A month ago, the worst happened in my situation. I was shaken, I was sifted. I nearly gave up. I believed I had lost everything. I now know, I only lost doubt, unbelief, hesitation, fear and that which was standing between Jesus and I. There is no question that I am firmly His, and there is no question of giving up. Whatever happens next, I am His and He is mine.
By the way, it’s not that my faith is anything so spectacular, or anything special. Faith is just supposed to be part of the package when you become a Christian, see Luke 17:5-10.
I encourage you to ask yourself: am I seeking the promise, or the Promisekeeper? Am I willing to give back the promise if there is a danger that it will become more important to me than my Lord? What, or how much am I willing to give up for Him?
Jesus Himself warned us to count the cost of following Him, in Luke 14:25-35. This is not to discourage you, but to challenge you. When everything seems lost, what will you do? Give up, or dig deeper and hold on tighter? Remember, He has promised to be with you, even in the valley of the shadow of death, He has promised He will never leave you nor forsake You.
Psalm 55:22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
Isaiah 43:2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Psalm 23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green
pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my
head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.